The Family. The movie and the straw that broke my Italian back.


So. I haven’t blogged for a while. Ya know, it happens….and when I say “it”…I mean LIFE. Comes at ya quick and unfortunately sometimes I don’t have enough time in the day to get down and blog. Getting ready to welcome a new human into the world and into my family has been time-consuming. That, on top of some work mayhem, has made it difficult. BUT…with all that said here we are. And we are here because something got my juices flowing so I carved out some time to make this happen.

We went and saw THE FAMILY the other night out in Westfield NJ. This was said event…the one that got my juices flowing. Let me first say…the movie was pretty freaking awesome. Bobby D was Bobby D. Meaning he. was. AWESOME. And while it made me feel way old to see Michelle Phiefer looking so, well…OLD. She was awesome too. Throw in that girl from Glee and Tommy Lee Jones and you’ve got yourself a fantastic cast that executes on a witty script.

The story of a constantly displaced family in witness protection delivered some serious laughs. The comedy was steady throughout as was the theme and story of “The Family”. The family was tight…they loved each other. They had to. Always being moved around and living in foreign lands they didn’t have much else to lean on other than their family unit and they seemed to always make the best of what some may have considered a shitty situation. The brother-sister duo attacked a new school with a strategic and calculated approach that quickly led to them achieving serious status and protection from the typical crap that can sometimes make life in high-school, and certainly any new school, so difficult. That was fun to watch. The little bro orchestrated the take down of some bullies and the sister showed the entire school how to treat a lady and how to NOT steal her pink pencil-case. All thru the immediate and potentially alarming drama they had a positive and can-do/”no one can touch us” attitude. Solidarity as a family unit was beautiful to watch between bro and sis and that clearly stemmed from Mom (Catwoman/Michelle Phiefer) and Dad (Bobby D) who were as close as close can get…you could tell there was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other.

Normally I would go a little more in-depth on a movie review BUT I don’t want to ruin your potential viewing experience by saying too much about the plot line and/or spill the beans about the ending. BUT here’s the thing…this ISN’T a movie review blog posting. Surprised? This post is something more, something different. This is about the juices I spoke of before and how they are flowing because – while the movie was a good one…it pissed me off.

Let me explain…

While enjoying the movie I couldn’t help but think about how absolutely sick and tired I am of the movies and TV shows that come out depicting all Italians as prosciutto loving, pasta eating, bad suit wearing, big sun glasses having, bad-tempered, non-intellectual, mobbed up, sub-humans!

Wow, that felt good. But, I mean…right?!

Every single movie, including “THE FAMILY, with an Italian “Family” is so filled with stereotypes it’s disturbing. The fat guys with bad accents, chomping on meats and cheeses, muttering “MADON! FUGETTABOUTIT!” were everywhere in The Family. Frankly and unfortunately it’s just become the norm for any newer programming including Italians to show my people like that…it’s sad and I am over it.

I say all that with a clear understanding and opinion that the classic movies are un-touchable. Godfather can do no wrong…Goodfellas is a gem…The Sopranos was the best…Casino is wonderful…you get it, the list can go on. But all these movies/shows are 10+ years old and were tremendously more relevant to the times it was set in than any new movie that comes out nowadays. Unless I missed it…The Family was set in modern-day. I feel like modern-day mobsters and the mafia have all but disappeared and if¬†(not that I know of any…) they still exist they are way less out in the open, operating quietly with subtle movements as organized crime is a big no-no. With that depletion of mafia dudes…shouldn’t the insane stereotypes in Hollywood also trend downwards? Well I’m not seeing it, capeesh?!

Now, like with most stereotypes…the ones in the movie(s) are generally true. Come to a family gathering of mine and you can bet your ass you’ll see some cured meats and soft cheeses on the table along with dark red wines and all the carbs you can eat. Do some of us have on gold chains with crosses on them? Sure. That doesn’t mean we’re sitting around running numbers, breaking legs, racketeering, extorting and/or laundering money. It just means we like to eat and drink and some of us enjoy gold chains. For a long time I never noticed it – but when you say “I’m 100% Italian” – people judge you due to what they see in the movies and assume you are mobbed up and/or have a Uncle/Cousin/Nephew in the joint. Could I have your legs broken? Sure…but not because I’m Italian…because you are an idiot. Just like any other ethnic background could. So stop thinking weird things about me – you jabroni!

I’d like to end this long, admittedly crazy, rant with a plea. A plea to Hollywood.

HOLLYWOOD – I like mob movies. I’d never ask you to stop production of mob movies. But can we keep it modern-day¬†appropriate and, please, have some Italian characters be something other than a mobster from Brooklyn? You do know we are capable of other things right? Doctors, Lawyers, digital media executives! Let’s show the world, together, Italians can make a positive contribution to society, OK? Please comply…otherwise my Uncle Vito is going to come to your house with a baseball bat. I mean it. Thank you! Signed, Chris Signore



Weak Sauce Golf Names and amazingly awesome ones to balance

Man, golf has some weak ass names. Some great names too…but once you hone in on some of the absolute terrible, country club going, silver spoon having type names it can be really hard to root for some of these pansies.

WEB, AARON, KEEGAN, DAVIS, HARRIS, RORY, GRAEME, DUSTIN, SHANE, BRANDT….I mean is it just me? (for baseball you can add COLE and CHASE to that list)

Then you also have some great ones …I mean BUBBA, BOO, BO, TIGER, Freddy, Ernie, Rocco, Woody…so there are a few gems amongst the lame sauce that really balance the sport.



Johnny Maziel – the gift and the curse


Johnny Football perplexes me. Normally I know exactly where I stand on people. But here I sit perplexed. I read the above article and it perplexed me even more. Let me explain in hopes that I can iron out my complex emotions…

So everyone knows how much negative press Johnny has gotten over the last few months since he won the Heisman right? Well he’s been bad…if you ask the press. Everyone has shown him out and about with famous people, drinking, reports came out about a past fight, he’s been hanging out with rappers and super models… AND he was even so naughty to oversleep (reportedly and “apparently” due to a night of drinking) and miss a morning session at Peyton Manning’s superstar Quarterback summer camp. What a kook right? I mean, what’s his problem?! Well, not so fast I say.

I’m like “OK press – I get it. It’s easy to cover this poor kid when he is “messing” up in your eyes and every move he makes doesn’t live up to the perfect little Heisman winning gentleman that you might want him to be. Cut the kid a break – he’s 20 and in the national spotlight.” …I mean, right? The kid is 20! Press is all over him and I’m sure it’s not easy. My stance originally was “leave Johnny alone! Let the kid be a kid. He’s going to oversleep and I’m sure drink some beers before his 21st birthday. We’ve all been there – just without the entire world watching our every move”. I do kind of feel sorry for him and can imagine that life in the spotlight might be difficult especially with that angst that can be so prevalent in young men. Then the other side of my perplexed emotions kicks in and makes me lean the other way. What’s the other side think? The other side just thinks…he’s a jerk.

The kid sounds like a jerk…a spoiled little egomaniac jerk and…not only because the press paint him that way …but because he actually is. What’s the saying?… “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and smells like a duck – it’s probably a freaking DUCK you guys!” I mean – read the article. The story about Johnny playing golf with his dad and cursing, chucking clubs and disrespecting his pops is disgusting. He wants people to feel bad for him because of his new found fame? – SORRY BRO – you’re a famous college athlete, deal with it. And…deal with it without being a complete and utter jerk face. Sorry about all the attention you get…but perhaps you could handle it a little better and be a…oh I don’t know…good person?

Maybe I’m not so perplexed anymore. “Johnny Jerk face” is just a jerk. While this is disappointing because I was originally pulling for the kid – I sure do feel better having solved this conundrum.




Go away A-Rod.


If I never hear of and/or see this dude again I would be a happy man.

What an absolute disgrace. There is literally no-one on the planet I despise more right now that this joke of a baseball player. I’m embarrassed that I ever rooted for him and I wish his stench never touched the Yankee organization.

Of all the brilliant moves the Yankee’s front office has pulled off over the years this one may actually go down as the worst in HISTORY. I hope, really hope, that they find a way out of paying him the remaining $60 MILLION on his deal…but something tells me A-ROD is going to be laughing all the way to the bank despite his absolutely despicable legacy.


But I like expensive Coffee… (re: How I retired at 30)

I have some issues with this article.
This read and was written to be all like “Hey guys – check it out…retirement is really easy! You just didn’t know how to do it until now. Check out this amazing story about this genius guy who retired at the age of 30. Can you believe it?…it’s possible and we’re going to tell you how using this wonderful example” Hey Yahoo!….COME ON MAN. Let’s be real shall we?

Let’s start by looking at the numbers…
The article mentions this guy saved $800k and then retired. $800k (of savings) divided by 7 (the number of years he has worked, ages 23 to 30) comes out to roughly $114k of SAVINGS per year. So …going by this article (and Mr. Money Moustache’s amazingly arrogant road to retirement and recommendation) if he was saving about 70% of his income then homeboy was making just about $165k on AVG per year. Nice gig bro. By my view…you were either a engineer, investment banker and/or you worked 100 hours per week to rack up those kinds of figures. Good for you…but that’s not typical for someone who is 23 years old to be making that much loot and certainly not typical for them to save 70% of that when they are just starting out life in the real world.

Now let’s discuss life choices…
So in order to maintain life as a human off his roughly $30k per year (that comes from his investments as part of his savings) this guy rides his bike everywhere, lives in a tiny shack in Colorado, doesn’t buy coffee, lives off of food planted in his garden and I’m sure his wardrobe is just to DIE FOR, right? Let’s be real…Not everyone wants to live that way. I don’t. I mean…I like nice and NEW cars…I need a house that is comfortable for my family, I don’t want to live in Colorado (unless on a golf course), I LOVE good/expensive coffee, I don’t garden and I happen to enjoy nice clothes. Not too mention this guy has a KID. Little fella probably lives a very happy life but might be lacking in the toy department. My kid will be some sweet ass toys, you can bet on that! So apparently this self help guide is not for me? Looks like I might just have to work until I’m 60-70 or so along with the rest of the world. And I’m ok with that.

This is a cute story, I’m happy for this guy…but it should have totally been positioned as a complete anomaly and not “if you follow these simple steps you can retire at 30”.

Hey SPIKE! – Kickstarter is not for rich people


Spike Lee is rich – He is worth an estimated $40 Million dollars. The median net worth for a family in the US is roughly ~$100k. So using those figures let’s estimate that Spike is 400 times more rich than an average Joe. 400 times! So should he be raising money at all? Further…when you think about those figures…$1.25 Million to Spike Lee, which is the amount he is trying to raise for his film, is 3% of his NET worth. That would equate to around $3k for normal people for some perspective. So it’s not a totally insignificant amount of money but point being…he can do it himself. He shouldn’t need to leverage Kickstarter for a pet project that benefits only him at the end of the day. I’m sure SPIKE would feel that hit to his bank account if he plopped down $1.25 mil on something but he is in a different stratosphere. Perhaps he moves his court side season tickets a seat or two off center or…(gasp) even a few rows back to make up for that hit to his funds.

This dude is LOADED and if he is dying to make a film where he has 100% of the creative control then I gotta say spike “Do the right thing” and pony up and get it done! Don’t use crowd funding and ask your “fans”, most of which are not RICH like yourself, to donate money for your creative freedom when you are more than capable to do it yourself. Kickstarter is not a new pool for you to pull more wealth from so to potentially generate even more money for yourself and yourself alone.

Famous/rich people should not use Kickstarter – it’s counter to the original intent of the platform and completely silly when you really think about it.

Probably the best movie ever…


There is only a handful of movies for me that I could watch again and again without getting totally sick of them. Sandlot is one them. It’s the best.

that is all.