The two tales of one city



Next weekend…I go to Vegas. Now…if you’ve been to Vegas you’ll understand my mixed emotions right now.

One side of me is super excited! YES…I enjoy Vegas – where every hour is happy hour, casinos never close (I love me some excitable crap tables), amazing views and skylines, wonderful weather, you can always find a friendly tourist to chat with and where it’s totally acceptable to pass out outside near a pool in the middle of the afternoon.

The other side is straight up dreading it. You guys know what I mean right? Like…it’s going to be FUN but that fun comes with a price. Both a literal price ($$$$) and a physical and mental price. Lord knows how many brain cells will be killed and my liver with probably age 5-10 years over the course of those two days.

It’s funny. When you are fresh off a trip to Vegas (picture that, oh so painful, plane ride home)…everyone says “never again”. But after not having been there in several months you’re like “let’s go to VEGAS!” It’s the best and worst place in the world all at the same time.

Now…this isn’t my first rodeo. Being in my early 30s I’ve just emerged for the time in one’s life where all their friends get married and have bachelor parties in Vegas. I’ve been 4 times in the last 3 years and I’d like to think I’m getting better at the Vegas Bachelor party excursion.

The first time was too wild. I went hard and burnt out FAST. It was like I was the fat kid and Vegas was the free candy store. Except it wasn’t free, at all. Way too much…way too fast…and POOF it was over.

Second time was better – I paced myself. Tried the “slow burn” approach so that I could enjoy more of my time in Vegas. That was better but ended up being the “way too slow burn” because we were there for 3 days and three nights…Even at the slow pace I was in a bad place mentally, physically and financially after mid way through day 2.

Third – was a mixture of the first two. I call it the “Act your age!” approach and it worked. I had a good time…gambled a little, picked my spots, had some cocktails and tried to enjoy myself. This ended up being just OK…because I left and thought “maybe I had more in the tank”. Either way…I survived.

This time I intend to leverage all my skills and knowledge that I’ve obtained over the last few years of Vegas jaunts to produce an overall fantastic time.

I’ve created some Vegas rules to live by for myself and others. Nothing earth shattering that you all haven’t heard before but important, potentially live saving rules nonetheless. Take a gander…
#1 Hydrate and EAT – Don’t be an idiot. EAT like human beings need to eat. With nothing but booze in your system for multiple days straight you are cruising for a bruising. That includes WATER. Drink it…one glass here and there and or that $15 bottle of VOSS water in the hotel room. Drink that right up…it’ll do you good in the long run.

#2 If you aren’t having fun at the tables don’t play! – An angry gambler is normally the one losing. Don’t push your luck bro. Know when to walk away and try your luck later when you are actually enjoying yourself and not suicidal.

#3 Don’t worry about money. – “WHAT?!” you just said. “Chris…you yuppie. Not everyone can “not worry about money””. I know, I know…but hear me out. Don’t get caught up with a big drinks bill, the $50 you spent on a pizza, or losing $100 bucks in 5 mins at the black jack table…it’s vegas and that happens. If you let it…it will drive you crazy and ruin your time. Don’t be dumb and go broke – but try not to sweat the money that is bleeding from your bank account for a few days. You’ll be ok, I know you will.

#4 Don’t talk to the strange women in the cocktail dress, smoking menthols, drinking martinis at the hotel bar at 10:30am. – Just dont.

Bottom line…will I be THIS GUY??

or…this guy

I’ll let you know when I get back.


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